I don't... Know how long it has been... I'm hungry, I ran out of water hours ago... But I can't go risk the kitchen. He's in here somewhere... I don't know where. I can hear him moving around outside in the halls... I don't know where Mom and Dad are. I don't want to think that they've... Died... It is pitch black outside. I haven't even seen the moon or any stars, it is just inky darkness. The only lights in here that work now are the Televisions and computers. The sound of that goddamn static won't STOP. I can't even turn them off anymore... I've been hacking up this black gunk, mixed with blood. It's everywhere now, on my bed, on the floor... The computer doesn't even register that it has been at least a day, maybe more? No one is coming. I am on my own here... Just with Him. Did they beat him in MarbleHornets? Can he be beat? I haven't even tried attacking him... Everything in my body just tells me to run whenever I see him... He must have gotten Kase. This makes so much sense now. I understand. He killed Kase, he is going to kill the others and me. All because we watched those fucking videos? This isn't fair... How can I make it stop? Tell me, please tell me! I know you have to still be reading this SHIT, whoever the fuck you are. What do I have to do?  

It has been hours. Morning hasn't come yet. Why? I don't understand... What the hell is happening? What the fuck do you want? How does he move so fucking FAST? I know... I know he's looking for a way in. But if I so much as blink, he vanishes, and I find him still fucking WATCHING ME from a different room! What do I do when he makes it in? It's Him, it's really fucking Him... The real Slender Man...

HELP ME PLEASE!!!

Why? Why? None of the phones are working, no one else is in the house, the car won't start, this god DAMN computer won't shut down, and I can't even leave this page! The TV just gives off static, white noise crap... I can't stay outside long enough to fix the car, because he is out there too. Where is everybody? Where? Nothing in the house seems like it's working anymore! What the hell is going on?

Someone, please help. Please...

FUCK OFF

I just changed my password to this account, using some random password generator I found online. Goddamn fucking hacker. Idiot thinking he can scare me by trying to tell me that the fucking idiot in a costume I saw was the real fucking Slender Man. Laughable. Just give up and leave me the fuck alone. What the hell did I even do to you to earn this? It's only a matter... Of time before the police find you, if you keep this up, so just go away.

I know you are reading this, so just... Go the fuck away. Really, I mean it. What the hell are you trying to do, or prove here, huh? What possible gain could you have from stalking a college student? I don't have any big piles of money laying around, I don't have anything you could possibly want, so why, why, WHY the fuck are you still watching me through my goddamn window?  

What will make you struggle, little fly? You see the spider's shadow upon you, but you act as if you are still aimlessly buzzing around freely. What could be more insulting, prey, than to ignore the presence of your predator? The other insects caught in the web, they know... Their struggling is pleasing to me. Yet you remain in denial of what you already know, deep down. You saw Him too closely to believe your own words and petty logic.

You shall bear witness. You shall be the last, and before the end you too will struggle as they do. As Alec did, before the end.  

Stalker

He was outside my window this morning. That fucker dressed like the Slender Man. How the fuck did he find where I live? Why the fuck was he here?

I'm still tired and weak, even if the medicine is helping the migraines. I was laying in bed, drifting between dreams and reality, when I noticed that vaguely human shaped silhouette among the trees in the dim morning light. The proportions were wrong, and there was no face, no eyes, no hair. He was just standing there, all limp and boneless, staring in at me. All I could do was yell for Mom and Dad... But when they got to my room, he was gone without a trace.

I told them the truth, of course. Some wacko in a Halloween costume was standing at my window. I'm really wondering now... Did he have something to do with Kase's death? It would explain the weird questions he asked last time... I saw him alive. But why the hell is he dressed up like Slender Man? Only a few people were even conscious while we were watching MarbleHornets, and most of them were complete strangers. So... If it's one of them, why the fuck would they be stalking me? To kill me? Assuming they did kill Kase? Assuming Kase was even the target, and not the Security Officer... Ah... Fuck.

We called the police, but what was I going to tell them? A 9 ft faceless man in a suit was at my window? All I could tell them was "Bald, wearing a business suit and tall." But it is a costume. It has got to be a costume. So that information isn't entirely useful... So. Fuck. I don't know what to do.

Drawing. Drawing makes me feel better.  

Blood Disease

Well, something is obviously wrong with me, but the doctor has no fucking clue what it is. Doesn't help, of course, that we've had to switch from our longtime family Doctor to a new one due to the goddamn Obamacare crap. This new Doctor, Albion, has my records, but doesn't exactly know them all too well. He had some theories as to where the migraines, fever, vomit and coughing came from, but he had no explanation for the sleep walking. Of course, that wasn't the only thing that apparently made sense. They took some blood from me, and I remember the nurse staring at it all wide eyed and taking it to Albion. When he came back, he told me there was something in my blood that he couldn't identify, and that he wanted to send it out for someone to look at.

Isn't this just wonderful? I have some kind of blood disease, or something. In the meantime, Albion prescribed some strong painkillers for the Migraines, but didn't have anything else helpful for the coughing, or the fever and vomit, if they come back. So, we'll have to see what happens now. Break is far from over.

Christmas

Merry Christmas, Future-Me.

Feeling a little better now. Still weak, but that migraine I have had for the past few days is finally gone. I'm eating better as well. Huh. Maybe Santa decided to give me my health back for Christmas. Been watching the old Batman cartoon for the past few days. Great show. Though I can't say I was really able to pay attention to it until today. I just felt so unfocused these past few days. Barely gotten out of bed at all, except to finish decorating my room with drawings.

Actually, you know what just occurred to me? I have no idea why I even bothered sticking these drawings up on the walls like that. They are just basically the same thing I have been drawing since I watched MarbleHornets. They are not the pinnacle of high art, if you know what I mean. It just felt... Right, at the time, to put them up like that. I can't even remember doing some of them... But, well, I have been drawing them for the past month and a half. I guess that's to be expected, but still. Don't know why this never struck me as odd before.

Got money for Christmas, as usual. Judge came by again, and apparently Mom and Dad did not tell him about the whole sleep walking thing, or my sickness. Wasn't very happy with any of us, when he found out. He is now insisting that he takes me to the doctor tomorrow. Probably the smartest idea, all things considered. He honestly seemed pretty pissed at Mom and Dad. Not sure what he expected them to do, knowing them.

Another brown and gray Christmas, 23 years and running.  

Sleep Walking

I went to bed in my room, in my bed, under my covers, with a miserable headache and a minor fever. I woke up, in the clearing in the middle of the woods, freezing my ass off. What the ever loving fuck is wrong with me?

I'm lucky I only have a few cuts and bruises... Jesus. I didn't even think sleep walking was a real thing. Mom and Dad didn't even hear me leave... How the hell did I even make it to the clearing like this? I might have gotten lost if I didn't recognize it as the same clearing that had one of Mom and Dad's Whiskey half empty whiskey bottles near a tree. Though... The tree had fallen since last time I was here, apparently.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me? Maybe... I might be worse off than I thought? Is it related to this sickness? Does sleep walking have anything to do with my mental state? I'm just so tired... I had to write this, I don't... Know why I had to, but I don't think I can do anything else. I just feel so weak. My head won't stop pounding. Everything is just so draining... I am going back to bed. But first I'm gonna lock my door and windows, just to be safe.  

Solstice

Today fucking sucked. I woke up in the middle of the night with a random fever, coughing my head off. Goddamn I haven't felt this bad in a long time... The entire day, I have had a headache, I've been coughing and I have had no energy to do much of anything except stare out the window into the woods and tape my drawings onto the wall. I can't even keep food down properly...

Fuck it. This is the shortest day of the year, and the longest night. Good enough reason to go to sleep early.

Home

Back home again. Still no snow. Probably won't be any snow on Christmas either. Someday... I will have a white Christmas. It probably won't be nearly as magical as I think it'll be, but it has always been something I wanted to see. Just no friggen point in having a winter without snow. The dead trees outside are depressing as hell. It is quiet though, out there, and that is something some people find enjoyable, I guess. The woods are never as quiet as they are during winter. I know people find it to be peaceful, serene and wonderful to be alone with nothing but the music of their own thoughts. To me, though, it just seems like I'm walking through a graveyard, and my thoughts become anything but peaceful and quiet.

Mom and Dad heard what happened at the college. They asked me about it, but... It looked pretty obvious that they only bothered because that is what parents should do. It isn't like they really knew what to say, after all. But that's the way with them. Anything goes wrong and all they can respond with is a simple "That sucks" and move on. They have never had any solutions to a problem, and don't seem to have ever even considered actively trying to comfort me. Despinos told me... That I probably crave the comfort and attention that they never gave me. I guess that makes sense, but I look around and see so many others that resent the attention their parents give them. Call it "Smothering." So am I really missing all that much?

Judge came by as well. Obviously he found out about the death, and was checking on me. I'm fine. I'm just fine. He didn't press the subject either, which I am thankful for. Pointless to talk about it at this point. Besides, I don't want to make him worry. He has other things he could be focusing on, much more important than my problems. I'm fine.

Creepy Fucks

Motherfucker in the Slender Man outfit showed back up.

I called security on his ass, but he must have run off again. Creepy, stupid, fuck. Is this really some kind of goddamn joke to him? A friend of mine just fucking died! Then this asshole thinks it might be fucking hilarious to go stand outside my fucking window for ten minutes staring at me. If I see him again I am going to make damn sure he is in no condition to fucking hobble away on those stilts this time...

In other news, the second creepiest person I've seen all day stopped by to have a chat with me. A School Board member no less, Thomas Corvin. I saw him once before at that bonfire for "The Spinner." Turns out he is exactly as weird as one might expect from someone allowing a cult ritual thing to take place on a college campus. Had this big fake smile on the entire time, and I get the feeling he isn't used to talking with people in such a polite manner.

He was all sympathy though. Said he was here to check on Kase's friends, see how we are handling it. I told him I was fine, handling it in my own way. He asked if I had any idea what might have happened to Kase. I told him what I told the police, that Kase came by looking unwashed and paranoid, and I called campus security to take him back to the Timberwolf house. Then his questions got weird. He asked if I, or anyone I knew, was having weird dreams, or seeing things lately. I mentioned the idiot in the Slender Man suit. I saw him twitch weirdly and cock his head to the side for a moment, and then he asked me if I noticed anyone around me acting similar to Kase. Paranoid. I told him no. Then he brushed past me and started looking at the doodles taped to the wall that Carlos and I had been working on. He let out what I think was a giggle, before catching himself, and he turned back to me with this big happy smile. Really, really happy. It was a little unnerving honestly. He gave me a card with a phone number on it, and asked me to call him if I need anything, and then he left really quickly.

Yeah... Don't think I really want to be around someone who acts like that, so probably won't be using this number any time soon. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I cannot wait to be out of here and back home. Home sucks, but at least it isn't weirdos and stalkers.  

Winter Break

 Well... Nearly time for Break. Apparently we are getting off early this time, in light of the deaths. That's fine, most of us probably need it. Maybe I do too, I dunno... I'm still not looking forward to it, despite everything that has happened. I've just got this feeling it's going to be worse than usual this year.We'll see what happens when we get there, right?

... Still no word on Kase's Funeral yet, either. Wonder if I should show up? I know no one blames me for what happened, but... Still doesn't feel quite right to show up. Besides... He's dead, and staring at his casket and crying family won't change that fact. Funerals are kind of pointless, aren't they? Hopefully, when I pass on as well... They'll just scatter the ashes and be done with it.  

Coping

Visited Kruger today, in the Timberwolf house. I gotta admit, I figured there would be a little more mourning there, instead of what I saw. Kruger seemed to be the only one really torn up about it, or even really thinking about it. The others who actually noticed one of their own had been violently killed, seemed to just take it as an excuse to get drunk in Kase's "honor." Disgusting, stupid, bastards. But some of them were even worse about it. I seriously think a few of these idiots believe in that crap about "The Spinner" from back near Halloween. Apparently, Kase's offering was the one that wasn't as substantial as it should have been, or something. What, did he not give enough alcohol to the scary spider god? Some of these Timberwolf assholes even started insinuating that Kase died because of this, and that Carlos and I could be next, because we were Kase's "Guests" during the ritual. Morons. Thinking about asking someone why this school is allowing a legitimate cult to run around spouting threats like that.

Kruger wasn't doing too good though. Pretty sure he was High on something when we found him. He started reminiscing about Kase with Carlos. Pranks that were pulled, funny little stories, all the meaningful bits of life, at the end of it all. He was apparently even helping Carlos out with more complicated magic tricks. I do feel kind of bad for not joining in, but... Like I said yesterday, it's just digging around in an open wound. They cope by talking about old times, I cope by just shutting up and moving on.  

Attachment

Most of our classes have been cancelled for a few days, while they try and find what killed Kase and the Officer... Colton was his name, I think... I didn't know him, honestly. Maybe that's what I should take out of this fucking catastrophe. Attachments to others are just... A path to pain, I think. It is probably unhealthy as shit to have no attachments, but at least I wouldn't have to feel like this... There is just no worse feeling, period. It's not like I've been friends with Kase for all that long, it's just... To an extent, to some large extent... This is my fault. It isn't as direct as before but... Still.

Carlos didn't take it well. Same reasons as me, I think. He just kind of sat around all day, playing Dragon Age or drawing, instead of his usual magician shit. I guess I probably should have tried talking to him about it, or something. Talking about this stuff is supposed some people feel better, right? Well, it doesn't for me. Just feels like I'm digging around in an open wound. Everything just feels heavy and empty. I can't even imagine how Kruger feels right now. He and Kase were friends longer than we knew them, though I honestly don't know how long that was.

Maybe they were childhood friends?

I really hope not.

Dead. Dead Again.

Doctor Despinos wants me to continue typing up my feelings and thoughts about things on here. What kind of thoughts and feelings does he fucking expect?!?! I just got two people killed! We don't even know by what, but it looked like a goddamn BEAR got to the Officer! Kase at least wasn't completely mangled...

God fucking dammit...

Their bodies were found near the creek. Dragged by something. I don't know many more details beyond just hearsay. Fuck... I talked to the cops, of course. They think it was an animal... Goddammit. God Dammit. Fuck. What the hell else could I have done? Gone with them? Helped to escort them to the Timberwolf house? I would probably also be laying dead by the creek... But it was me who got Campus Security and sent Kase back... Fuck. If I had just waited a bit longer... Or sooner... FUCK... If I had done ANYTHING other than what I did... That is three people now, that have died because of my stupid decisions. What the fuck should I do? What is the right thing to do in this situation... Always do the right thing, isn't that supposed to be how it is? So what do I do?

IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN

Kase and the security officer are dead.

It's my fault.

It's my fault again.

Kase

Time for Drama of the day. Jacob Kase finally paid us a visit. Poor guy looked like he got hit by a...

Point is, he looked bad. Smelled like he hadn't taken a shower in a while, and the circles under his eyes told a pretty obvious story. My only question was if he was high or not. He was acting... Jittery and paranoid, but he kept swearing he wasn't on anything. He started asking us a bunch of weird questions. "Have you caught anyone following you around?" "Have you been having weird dreams?" "Have you seen anyone just staring at you from a distance?" Stuff like that. All the while, he was constantly peeking out the window and into the hallway, looking for something.

"No Kase, not beyond the usual." Was Carlos' main response to all three. Mine too, but that was, obviously, a lie, for at least two of the questions. My dreams are unrelated, that much is for certain, though I do have to wonder... Is Mr. Slender Suit stalking Kase around? Is that why he was acting all paranoid like this? I sure as hell hope not... Still, better safe than sorry. I mentioned the possibility of someone stalking Kase to Campus Security, and they escorted Kase back to the Timberwolf house. He was pretty reluctant to go, but I convinced him that it would be for the best. Poor guy. I wonder if Kruger even knows about this? Maybe Mr. Slender Wannabe was one of the people I didn't know who watched MarbleHornets with us? Kruger might know something that could help.

We'll probably go check on Kase tomorrow, and find Kruger a little later.  

Slendy Man

Home sweet home? Or is there trouble in this paradise of lower learning. Not only am I now dealing with a blog creeper, but a physical creeper as well. It was during lecture of a Class, I am not saying which because fuck you creepers, and I was sort of half paying attention. It was stuff I already knew. I just happened to glance out the window, and what do I see? Off in the distance, there is someone just standing there, and I knew there something wrong with him the moment I saw him. But my brain did not register it until a few seconds had passed. He was wearing a business suit, and was tall and thin. Just based on what was around him, I would say 7 ft at the very least, but probably taller. But that wasn't what was really wrong with him. My brain clicked, and I noticed he had no face. For a minute... He got me. He really did. I felt this overwhelming sensation of panic, before I realized what it was. Some idiot was dressed up as the Operator or Slender Man, and staring into this classroom.

I am willing to bet I just found my blog creeper. He fucked off sometime within a few minutes, while I wasn't looking. Campus security probably ran him off, but the guy I asked denied knowing or hearing anything about an idiot who forgot Halloween was over a month ago. Whatever, I will deal with this shit as it comes. If you are the guy who keeps creeping on to watch this blog, kindly fuck off. This isn't funny in the slightest, and make no mistake. If this keeps up, I will find you. Haven't quite decided what I am gonna do, but I am pretty sure there are laws against this shit.

So, aside from that little distraction, everything is going fine, or no better than the last update. I can start dreading Christmas now, which is good. Always easier to divide life into segments, from one pain in the ass to the next. Haven't seen Kase or Kruger, but Carlos doesn't seem like he has had the Thanksgiving he was hoping for. He's looked on edge since he came back, so I assume something went wrong. He didn't want to talk about it, which I can respect, so I guess I can only wonder.

Heh. Maybe he saw Slender Man?