Elliot came by again...

Those kids from the other day? They went missing. All the same ones from the magic show. He doesn't think we had anything to do with it, but thinks it was someone in the audience.

But we did have something to do with it, didn't we? Everything to do with it. We exposed them to him. And he fucking took them... Back to That Place.  

Botched Suicide

Had a session with Dr. Despinos again today. In regards to a... Failed suicide attempt. I had to get my stomach pumped due to downing a bottle of sleeping pills. We discussed what happened in that... Place. I called it a nightmare, obviously. But I gotta confess, I left something out in the last post. A big part. For me, maybe the most important part of all, for my entire life.

How does He know these things? This isn't... It wasn't something I talk about. I thought I had already said enough, but the truth is... Until the day I die, nothing I say or do will ever make it go away, or change what was done. What I did. Seeing that blood slowly flowing down the creek... Seeing my old car again, wrapped around that tree. Seeing that... Mutilated husk, sitting in that seat, shredded by glass, metal and bark. It was the same as it was in my nightmares, exactly how I remember him from that night... And then there was that tree. That creek carried his blood deep into its maw, feeding an atrocity. A godless creation that sprouted from the deepest depths of the furthest reaches of madness and evil themselves, with its weeping face oozing the blood of its rotting "fruits" dangling lifelessly from its leafless limbs.

One day, I know, I will join them there.

But it won't be now. I will not die now, I will not die alone, and I will be the last of us to die young, if it comes to that. I swear it on Alec's grave.  

In that Place again

He isn't... Playing red-light, green-light anymore guys.

God... Where do I fucking start. I... Don't really... One minute I was walking out of my room, and the next I was... It was like I was in a forest. Or a forest from an old photograph. It was daytime before, there was sunlight... But then everything looked dark and washed out. Those trees weren't like any kind of plant I have ever seen. Have you ever seen a tree with pitch black leaves? Their branches and trunks were twisted into shapes I can't... Describe. I had no idea what the fuck was going on, but I knew it had to be Him again.

So I did what my mind was begging me to do, and ran. I didn't pick a direction, I just ran as fast as I could without risking balance through that hell-forest. He was after me, I didn't even need to look back to know that he was there. Maybe I should have, because it might have made me run even faster if I had seen what he showed later...

Eventually I ran onto what I thought was a clearing, but was instead a long unlit street. The streetlights were dead, or burned out. There were several small, colorless houses lined up on the sides. They had no doors, or windows that I could see. All over the street I saw discarded objects. Dolls, basketballs, rusted tricycles, and other childish mementos. There was even a playground visible, slides, see-saws and jungle gyms, all rotting and rusted, sprinkled with dark stains and puddles of inky black. Everything was... Silent. The only living things in sight were those abominations of trees, twisting out of the ground and blotting out the entire sky, save for a patch of open, starless, darkness high above. Surely this was what hell looked like.

Then I saw Him as he came towards me without pause. I grabbed a nearby broken tree branch for protection, but it didn't matter. I was paralyzed with fear, I think. I saw these four, long, black fleshy tendrils come out of his back and writhe towards me. I think... I think it broke my fight or flight instinct, as I could do neither. Just watching Him come forward to... kill me... I couldn't even scream.

But you know what?

He was fucking with me. He was fucking with me again. I would be the last? Isn't that what you said you piece of shit? So why the fuck is he even bothering with this? What the fuck does he gain from that?

I regained my senses on the side of the creek, near the woods around the college. My heart was pounding, I was crying. My legs ached from the running, so I knew it was real. It was... Like that place, all over again. But this time was so much worse. I don't... Know if I can take this. This can't happen again. I can't take it.

Attachment

Most of our classes have been cancelled for a few days, while they try and find what killed Kase and the Officer... Colton was his name, I think... I didn't know him, honestly. Maybe that's what I should take out of this fucking catastrophe. Attachments to others are just... A path to pain, I think. It is probably unhealthy as shit to have no attachments, but at least I wouldn't have to feel like this... There is just no worse feeling, period. It's not like I've been friends with Kase for all that long, it's just... To an extent, to some large extent... This is my fault. It isn't as direct as before but... Still.

Carlos didn't take it well. Same reasons as me, I think. He just kind of sat around all day, playing Dragon Age or drawing, instead of his usual magician shit. I guess I probably should have tried talking to him about it, or something. Talking about this stuff is supposed some people feel better, right? Well, it doesn't for me. Just feels like I'm digging around in an open wound. Everything just feels heavy and empty. I can't even imagine how Kruger feels right now. He and Kase were friends longer than we knew them, though I honestly don't know how long that was.

Maybe they were childhood friends?

I really hope not.

Dead. Dead Again.

Doctor Despinos wants me to continue typing up my feelings and thoughts about things on here. What kind of thoughts and feelings does he fucking expect?!?! I just got two people killed! We don't even know by what, but it looked like a goddamn BEAR got to the Officer! Kase at least wasn't completely mangled...

God fucking dammit...

Their bodies were found near the creek. Dragged by something. I don't know many more details beyond just hearsay. Fuck... I talked to the cops, of course. They think it was an animal... Goddammit. God Dammit. Fuck. What the hell else could I have done? Gone with them? Helped to escort them to the Timberwolf house? I would probably also be laying dead by the creek... But it was me who got Campus Security and sent Kase back... Fuck. If I had just waited a bit longer... Or sooner... FUCK... If I had done ANYTHING other than what I did... That is three people now, that have died because of my stupid decisions. What the fuck should I do? What is the right thing to do in this situation... Always do the right thing, isn't that supposed to be how it is? So what do I do?