Christmas

Merry Christmas, Future-Me.

Feeling a little better now. Still weak, but that migraine I have had for the past few days is finally gone. I'm eating better as well. Huh. Maybe Santa decided to give me my health back for Christmas. Been watching the old Batman cartoon for the past few days. Great show. Though I can't say I was really able to pay attention to it until today. I just felt so unfocused these past few days. Barely gotten out of bed at all, except to finish decorating my room with drawings.

Actually, you know what just occurred to me? I have no idea why I even bothered sticking these drawings up on the walls like that. They are just basically the same thing I have been drawing since I watched MarbleHornets. They are not the pinnacle of high art, if you know what I mean. It just felt... Right, at the time, to put them up like that. I can't even remember doing some of them... But, well, I have been drawing them for the past month and a half. I guess that's to be expected, but still. Don't know why this never struck me as odd before.

Got money for Christmas, as usual. Judge came by again, and apparently Mom and Dad did not tell him about the whole sleep walking thing, or my sickness. Wasn't very happy with any of us, when he found out. He is now insisting that he takes me to the doctor tomorrow. Probably the smartest idea, all things considered. He honestly seemed pretty pissed at Mom and Dad. Not sure what he expected them to do, knowing them.

Another brown and gray Christmas, 23 years and running.  

Home

Back home again. Still no snow. Probably won't be any snow on Christmas either. Someday... I will have a white Christmas. It probably won't be nearly as magical as I think it'll be, but it has always been something I wanted to see. Just no friggen point in having a winter without snow. The dead trees outside are depressing as hell. It is quiet though, out there, and that is something some people find enjoyable, I guess. The woods are never as quiet as they are during winter. I know people find it to be peaceful, serene and wonderful to be alone with nothing but the music of their own thoughts. To me, though, it just seems like I'm walking through a graveyard, and my thoughts become anything but peaceful and quiet.

Mom and Dad heard what happened at the college. They asked me about it, but... It looked pretty obvious that they only bothered because that is what parents should do. It isn't like they really knew what to say, after all. But that's the way with them. Anything goes wrong and all they can respond with is a simple "That sucks" and move on. They have never had any solutions to a problem, and don't seem to have ever even considered actively trying to comfort me. Despinos told me... That I probably crave the comfort and attention that they never gave me. I guess that makes sense, but I look around and see so many others that resent the attention their parents give them. Call it "Smothering." So am I really missing all that much?

Judge came by as well. Obviously he found out about the death, and was checking on me. I'm fine. I'm just fine. He didn't press the subject either, which I am thankful for. Pointless to talk about it at this point. Besides, I don't want to make him worry. He has other things he could be focusing on, much more important than my problems. I'm fine.

Winter Break

 Well... Nearly time for Break. Apparently we are getting off early this time, in light of the deaths. That's fine, most of us probably need it. Maybe I do too, I dunno... I'm still not looking forward to it, despite everything that has happened. I've just got this feeling it's going to be worse than usual this year.We'll see what happens when we get there, right?

... Still no word on Kase's Funeral yet, either. Wonder if I should show up? I know no one blames me for what happened, but... Still doesn't feel quite right to show up. Besides... He's dead, and staring at his casket and crying family won't change that fact. Funerals are kind of pointless, aren't they? Hopefully, when I pass on as well... They'll just scatter the ashes and be done with it.